A TEXT POST

city-glow-after-dark:

mahlarchuck:

atlasnerd:

swaginageorge:

seeing a hot guy walk by like

image

Reblogging for the sheer hilarity of the gif.

It would be a mistake not to

"Four score and one booty ago damn that’s a fine ass"

A PHOTO

crimsonday:

sqvad:

america is never going to win this war on drugs holy shit

What’s that flying across the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO it’s a bag of CRACK COCAINE

A PHOTO

itsraininbritishmen:

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

Reblogged from i love gibby
A PHOTO
Reblogged from i love gibby
A TEXT POST

caitluffs:

applethefruit:

crrocs:

how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all

you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you

one time i was swimming but the pool ladders disappeared so i couldn’t get out of the pool and i swam for 10 hours then died

Reblogged from i love gibby
A TEXT POST

officialwhitegirls:

reblogging your own posts is like saying something again because you dont think anyone heard you

Reblogged from i love gibby
A VIDEO

yeevil:

probably not that

A CHAT
  • mom: what do u want 4 birthdy??
  • me: video gaem
  • mom: no vid game, child.
  • me: money
  • mom: 4 what
  • me: for video gm ae
  • mom: outsmarted agen
Reblogged from i love gibby
A TEXT POST

realjunko:

EVERYONE PUT THIS GIF ON YOUR BLOG IMMEDIATLY IT WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THE VIRUS!!

image

Reblogged from hi im kevin